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Guest requests can range from the routine to the downright obscene and we receive them all with a wide smile and confirmation that we’ll make it happen. As yachties, we are trained to be the ultimate “Yes” men and women. These are a few examples of some slightly unconventional, but oh so real guest requests. 

The lady who asks for an ice pack for her husband’s sore knee, and upon receiving the bag of ice neatly packaged in a Ziploc and service cloth, asks if there’s any way we can make it colder. Urm, it’s a bag of ice, I think that’s about as cold as it gets.

Rocky ravers

Can we wait until the sea height reaches 8 feet before we get going, I like when the sea is very rough. We’ll have dinner then too, maybe a soup to start.

Sailing for saline

So you brought a plastic surgeon on board with you for your charter. Why not get a little Botox while you’re on a boat in paradise? Only problem, he didn’t bring any saline solution. No problem Ma’am we’ll send one of the boys to shore on the tender to get some. Surgical grade of course…

A proper Christmas

An authentic Santa sighting, on a white beach in the British Virgin Islands, no it absolutely cannot be a crew member.

Slumber party

The almost cute, can we move all 3 of the kids’ mattresses into the master cabin for a slumber party, except this request comes on the second last night, of a 20 day charter. Just for one night though, they can go back to their own rooms tomorrow.

Birthday surprise

For my birthday I’d like a “real live” mermaid (I’m still not entirely convinced that this guest understands that mermaids are mythological beings) to be lowered by the crane into the water during breakfast service.

Step counter

A walk up to a beautiful French village sounds wonderful, but first, can someone go count exactly how many steps are in the staircase that makes up most of the route. Yes Ma’am we have confirmed there are 233 stairs. Oh, you’d also like to know the depth and width of each step because you have “depth perception” issues. We’ll get the deckie right on it. We’re looking at about 26.5cm high by 28.3cm wide. Oh, you don’t want to go anymore, no problem.

A quick turn around

Can we change our charter pick up from St Lucia to St Thomas? 25 hours notice for a 24-hour passage in a boat that is fully kitted out with Christmas decorations in 6-foot seas. Crew clearing customs 10 minutes before the guests walk on board must be some sort of record.

Swift departure

Here, take this money and get rid of the hookers from last night. Stewardess backs awkwardly out of the Master with a fist full of hundreds.

Crew house

The somewhat ridiculous, but completely genuine question of how much rent the crew pays to stay on the boat when there are no guests on board, from a potential buyer. Silent prayer, please don’t buy my boat.

Christmas shopping

I forgot the suitcase with the kids’ Christmas gifts, can you go out and find some things for them. At 14:00. On Christmas Eve. Anchored off of a tiny Caribbean island.

Fish food

Last but not least, and one of my all time favourites, while pouring the third bottle overboard, can we get some more Cristal to feed the fish please… Well, at least he said “Please”.

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