If you work on a superyacht you have to admit we have it pretty good… but after long periods at sea, particularly at this time of year (I’m in the middle of crossing the Pacific), it’s the simple things in life that have me wanting to get back to land.

1. Picking up the phone

Going out to sea to work on a superyacht means automatically being labelled “anti-social” to all those friends and family you left back home. Either it’s the wrong time zone to chat, you have problems with credit, you don’t have a local SIM card, or mostly because you are out of range. Don’t even mention the fact that you opted for the cheaper ‘waterproof’ phone case, which was clearly untrue.

2. Looking at something other than the horizon

The deep blue yonder, the vast endless ocean, the expanse of sea – no matter how you look at it, it’s still a straight horizontal line. Give me a few mountains or even a hill or two any day.

3. Ordering a number 5, number 7, and number 10 from Ying’s

Or maybe even a 12 if it’s the weekend. No matter how many top restaurants your chef has worked in, how many celebrities they have cooked for, or how talented they are in turning chai seed puddings into your new favourite snack, the first thing I am going to do when I get home is to call my local takeaway.

4. Taking a proper shower

Know that refreshing feeling you get sitting in your bathrobe contemplating life after having a nice long relaxing shower? Unless you’re one of the lucky ones (I am not) you’ve got a 10-minute chamois wipe down waiting for you the minute you step out… as if you haven’t already done enough for one day…

5. Picking out matching accessories that aren’t a radio

Back in the 80s, you could have MAYBE passed this look off (google the first mobile phones if you’re too young to remember). In today’s world, walking around with a radio clipped on isn’t exactly easy to work into a look.

6. Streaming Spotify (or anything for that matter)

Annoyingly Spotify doesn’t have an ‘I’m a yachtie and I live everywhere’ residency on the account settings. Don’t even get me started on Netflix.

7. Buying your own…erm well, everything

Ok ok, I know I shouldn’t complain. When you work on a superyacht you get basically everything paid for. But it’s human nature to whinge so just want to see if anyone else misses running into Boots to browse in the shampoo aisle or running into Publix for a box of Frosted Shreddies?

8. Walking without bashing into things

Rolly anchorages, rough crossings, marinas with constant swell – all play havoc on our balance. Land never makes you second-guess where to put your feet, or even your cup of tea when you sit down.

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